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I just felt like taking a break from the character posts. And if you'll indulge a few paragraphs about my life, the book stuff will follow after.

I was kind of upset earlier. I've been thinking a lot about my sister. We got into this whole cell phone family plan thing and while I think it was helpful to her to have this deal while her husband was out of work, it's been mostly difficult for me. The initial problems with her phone, the choices she made, constantly going over her data usage and then this monthly ordeal of getting the money for her portion of the bill. And then the complete lack of remorse she has for any of it. In fact, what I get from her most of the time about anything, is guilt. I have to feel guilty for not living at home, for not having kids, for having different beliefs; it seems like I have to feel bad for everything I do.

It's one of those things that's been there for a long time and I'm just now seeing it. My sister hasn't been very nice to me since we were kids. And I've always been so considerate of her, tried so hard to be understanding. But I've never gotten anything in return.

And that's not the point, to get something. I didn't do this cell phone deal to get something, I did it to help. And she's been an ingrate and that's not unexpected. The only thing I can choose to do differently is what I choose to do. And I think i want to stop trying.

Why should anyone choose to do the same thing over and over again if it only makes them unhappy?

And I'm a pretty unhappy guy, so it's time to figure out how to change that. I need a lot of changes.

And it's a fallacy to claim control over your life. You cannot grasp at it, you can only make choices. And by living right you will reach a destination without seeking where you want to be.

ANYWAY. About the book. The Arctic Heart is coming along nicely. Writing it has been something I've enjoyed, a nice distraction. I've even made some new Twitter friends.

Tonight, I purposefully sought to write the story, rather than achieve a word goal and it came easily. Really easily. It seems I've constructed the elements of my story so well, where I have holes, they fill themselves in. I'm discovering amazing things about the characters and their actions.

I'll be nice and give an example. In the camp of the once men, there's actually a rival to the leader. Marcus is this guy that kind of stands on the opposite spectrum of the "zombie virus" effects. He does some terrible things that are going to lead to a conflict with Jonathan and ... I don't know where that's going to happen, but I'm excited to find out. Oh, god, and then there's the scene in the church. This is going to get A LOT darker before it gets better.

And here's an actual excerpt this time, not just a few lines. I'm not sure if I like this the way it is, but I love the double meaning of what Jonathan and Anna are saying to each other:

Anna stands and walks to him. “Put your hand on my cheek,” she says.

He reaches out to her with his hand and presses the tips of two fingers against her skin. She recoils, her face snapping away, startled by the cold. He pulls his hand back, but she reaches up and grabs it, holding it. Turning her face back to him, she presses his palm back against her cheek.

“This is what you want?” he asks.

“Yes,” she says. She bites her lip, stifling the urge to run.

“Is it cold?”

“So cold,” her eyes closed.

“Let me take it away.”

“Can you feel me?” she asks.

“Yes.”

“Can you feel how warm I am.”

“I can feel it in a small place inside.”

“So you're not entirely without feeling.”

“I am dead.” He pulls his hand away and turns to a ragged duffel in the corner. From it he draws a hatchet. He turns to her and holds it out, the blade and handle resting on the palms of his rigid, blue palms.